As I mentioned before, I didn’t get the chance to post as much as I would have liked to in the last year, and I am hoping to get better this year. Last year I was fortunate enough to travel out of the country twice, and one of those places being Trinidad. If you have read my other blogs then you know that Trinidad is a place I travel to on a yearly basis due to my whole family still living there. So of course I had to go again in 2018 to see my family and decompress from my first year within the MBA program. I actually went twice last year, and these are those pics from my fun!
In the last few months, I have not been the best at posting what I am living through. The reasons being that being in an MBA program is extremely difficult and hectic so as much as I want to post every little experience, I just can’t. I wanted to take the time to post some of my favorite travel moments that occurred in 2018 starting with Cabo San Lucas, Mexico
I am a week into 2019 and I have to say that Im really excited for what is to come for me. Something happened on Jan 1, 2019 that I have never experienced before. I was filled with excitement, and optimism. Yes, theres a lot of things that I need to get done this year, and NO everything is not currently perfect but I am really content with where I am at mentally. 2018 was not easy or perfect but for the first time in a long time I can literally see the changes that have occurred within myself and the benefits that I have received from it. In all, I am just really proud of myself for my PUSH THROUGH game, and I am content with the path that I am on. Many people love to brag about all their physical successes, but for me 2018 was about spiritual, emotional, and mental successes. It was about getting myself right and pushing forward. Although I still have a lot to do (find a job, finish school, make other big life decisions) I know that God is walking with me every step of the way and I know that I don’t need to worry about anything. I am claiming it. This will be my year, and every year after this!
Often times I find that we make these new years resolutions and we never actually revisit them after January. I wanted to look at what I wrote down as my New Years resolution for 2018 and see if I was able to stick with some of what I wrote down. This is not only a means of holding myself accountable but also a means of encouraging myself to stick on the path that I am on and work harder at things that I wrote down. So without further ado, lets get into it!
No more self silencing – This was something that was directed towards one person in my life who use to make me feel really bad about expressing myself. He was constantly criticizing me and making it seem as though everything that came out of my mouth was WRONG or STUPID (which was really funny because he literally was a person that had not one pot to piss in). This is what caused me to self silence as a means to not offend this person. I never had this issue with anyone else. Long story short, it was HIM not ME, and my life has been way better ever since we have broken ties. So I do not self silence and I guess I technically never really did.
No More Comparing – Sadly, this again ties into #1. This person made me feel so crappy about myself that I was CONSTANTLY comparing myself to other women. I got rid of his negativity and began comparing myself WAY LESS.
Self Preservation – I think that this year I have done a better job of self preservation but I definitely can do better. One great thing that happened to me in the last quarter of the year was that I began drinking way less and started being a little bit more conscience and aware of what I was putting in my body. I also tried to be aware of what I was watching and listening to, because as you may or may not know, all of that can really have an affect on your everyday life. I also began going to church on a weekly basis and utilized the word as a means of mental renewal.
Using Social Media Less – I think that I had spurts of when I was using it less, but definitely not where I want to be. If you know anything, then you should know that social media is a tool that can really kill ones spirit.
No complaining, Positive Outlooks Only – I have gotten way better at this! I try to be more aware of what I am saying and how I am thinking in general. This has allowed me to be less depressed and really push through the hard times.
Be more prepared – Last year I wrote this because school was a real struggle for me and I felt as though I was lacking, but in reality I am not this ill prepared person.
Work Harder – This is something that everyone can try to better at year over year. Work harder than your hardest! I did do that this past year, and I plan on doing it again in 2019!
I remember when I turned 25, I was so sad. I cried and cried thinking that I was getting so old, I was unmarried and I was super miserable in the relationship I was in.
Each year that passed after that, the feeling somewhat stayed the same. A feeling of “oh Gosh, I’m getting older, what do I do now”.
But as my 30th drew near, something clicked in me and the usual feeling of sadness did not come. Rather, As my birthday approached I was filled with excitement and appreciation to see this age. The last few months I have been on an appreciation kick. Appreciating every last thing I could think of from big things such as being in an MBA program, to small things like being able to move all my toes and fingers. This appreciation didn’t allow me to feel any sense of sadness or anxiety of being 30, rather I was filled with joy that God allowed me to be on this earth this long.
I must say, I love the thought of being in my 30s and leaving all the junk and baggage of my 20s behind. I am now older, calmer, smarter, stronger….better. And that my friends is something worth being happy for!
I am a helper. If you are in my life and I rock with you, I’m going to do all I can to help you. I believe helping others is especially important for those in the black community because if we don’t do it, who will?
But what happens when you continue to help someone and they continue to mess up the opportunities that you have opened for them? This is a place in which I am right now.
I struggle letting people go and just faltering, especially when I know what they can do to turn things around. But when I overextend myself only to have them mess up again it can be an extremely disappointing, frustrating, and distressing to me.
You know that old saying, “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink”,that’s the exact sentiment that I feel. For this person I have literally given a massive amount to fully transform their life and yet they still found a way to completely mess it up. What do I do now as this person opens up to me about their troubles? Let them fall extremely hard this time or do what I’ve been doing the last few years and help…AGAIN?
In a way to ensure that I don’t put myself in a bad space I have decided to try to help this person one last time and take a massively different approach. Take on a less hands on and more of a coaching approach. I am not here to physically do things for this person anymore, I am here to guide them and offer advice when they ask. I am here to give them literature and passages that will help them head in the right direction. It is now up to them to choose to stay on the path of always ruining things, or finally deciding to be responsible. I can no longer utilize my contacts and my personal resources to help. All I can do now is watch and pray for them and offer kind words to keep them encouraged. Although my first instinct was to do what I always do and overextend myself to help, this time I will just sit back and allow them to figure things out for themself. Hopefully this new strategy works.