I had to take some time to really think about what my New Years resolution would be. Initially when I decided to write this post I was rushing to write down things and I found that my resolutions were somewhat cliche and unauthentic. So it took me 15 days into January to really figure out what I wanted to work on this year and how I want to improve in life. So here it is:
- No more self silencing – A lot of times I have self silenced myself in fear of what others may think or fear of hurting another persons feelings. This has caused a lot of issues in my life because I find myself doing things that I don’t necessarily want to do. Then I beat myself up for not speaking up.
- No More Comparing – This is something that I didn’t even realize that I did until I forced myself to sit back and take time to think about my flaws. I don’t think that most women would admit it (but I’m going to be real here), but I realized that this is something that I did so much that I didn’t even realize I was doing it.
- Self Preservation– I realized that this HAD to be on my list. I need to practice self preservation of my mind, body and soul. I want to do more to preserve my physical by eating healthier, drinking more water, and working out. I also want to make sure to do things like getting facials and focusing more on my hair health. I want to go to church more to feed my mind and soul. And take the time to sit, pray, be quiet, and meditate to feed my mental!
- Using Social Media Less – This ties in to my #2. I believe that with me going on social media and clicking on others pages and thinking negative comments about others, or thinking negative comments about myself, I am in turn doing more damage to myself than I realize. By forcing myself to use social media less, stay away from certain peoples pages (lets admit, we all go on peoples pages that we don’t follow and or even like), and spending more time and energy to improving myself will allow me to really improve in 2018.
- No complaining, Positive Outlooks Only – This is the key to living a better happy life, in my opinion. It will improve my daily mood, my daily outlook, and my overall success in life.
- Be more prepared – Being that I am in school, I need to get way better at being more prepared. I need to stop waiting until the last minute to study, to do assignments.
- Work Harder – I work hard but there is always room to work harder and nap less.
I think this is literally the first time in my life I have been at PEACE. I am a person who deals with a lot of anxiety and some times I make myself cray thinking about the things that I can not change and control. This year I decided that all of that was going to stop and that I would no longer live my life as such. I started off my year being the same old me with all of my anxiety and so on but one day I got down on my knees and decided to pray. The prayer that I prayed was for God to help me with my anxiety, and allow me to be more grateful for the things that I have and STOP harboring over the things that I don’t have. I also asked God to help me be more positive in all situations and always find the good in anything that is thrown my way. I also promised to stop looking at what other people were doing in their lives and just focus on myself.
My goal in 2018 is to put 110% energy, mental and physical, into myself. Ever since I have prayed this prayer and really been trying to be more positive, my whole attitude has been totally different. I have never felt better before. I am so at peace with myself and my life than I have ever been in my life. It has only been about a week since I prayed this prayer, but when I tell you that since that week I have been thrown some curve balls (including me getting robbed in Trinidad)…I have been thrown some massive curve balls that were meant to take me down. BUT someway, somehow I haven’t felt anxiety or depression rather just Peace and Joy!!!
I say this to say, that being at Peace isn’t something that you can’t have too. You need to strive for it and really work on it. You need to identify and eliminate the things that is causing you not to have peace in your life. A habit, a person or a place that you’re in, whatever it is, nip it in the bud immediately. And last but not least, pray with an honest and open heart for peace and stillness.
As I sit here just thinking out loud and thinking about a few things that I have been faced with in 2017 I wanted to come and write a post about something that I’ve been failing to understand…
Men want a successful woman, but just not one who is more successful than them. They want a woman who is independent but they want to feel needed. They want a woman who has money but just not more money than them.
As I exited my last relationship these were a few of the issues that I was faced with. Having someone tell me they felt inferior to me because of everything I was working hard to do and because I didn’t “need” them for anything was confusing and somewhat hurtful. Being that I’ve always believed that a woman could make more than a man, be independent and still value that man all the same, hearing something as such really left me perplexed.
Do I dim my light so that I can be with the man that I really want to be with? Do I pretend to “need” a man when my parents have taught me to be independent and make a way for myself?
One thing that I’ve never wanted for myself was to be with a man and if he leaves, I have not a pot to piss in. With me being in grad school and pursuing my MBA, it is a shot for me to make sure that I am financially secure for the rest of my life. Having my own is very important to me because then I know no one can take it away from me.
Prior to this experience I have tried to not judge others by their degrees, their financial situations and what their job titles were. I’ve always felt that if you have a good heart, you were hard working and treated me well, then you and I could be together. Now that I’ve gone through my experience, I’m beginning to realize why the Bible says we should be equally yolked. Moving forward I’ve realized that I have to pick men with credentials similar to mine, not because I’m being a snob or bougie but rather because most men can’t handle not being the financial “top dog”.