I am a week into 2019 and I have to say that Im really excited for what is to come for me. Something happened on Jan 1, 2019 that I have never experienced before. I was filled with excitement, and optimism. Yes, theres a lot of things that I need to get done this year, and NO everything is not currently perfect but I am really content with where I am at mentally. 2018 was not easy or perfect but for the first time in a long time I can literally see the changes that have occurred within myself and the benefits that I have received from it. In all, I am just really proud of myself for my PUSH THROUGH game, and I am content with the path that I am on. Many people love to brag about all their physical successes, but for me 2018 was about spiritual, emotional, and mental successes. It was about getting myself right and pushing forward. Although I still have a lot to do (find a job, finish school, make other big life decisions) I know that God is walking with me every step of the way and I know that I don’t need to worry about anything. I am claiming it. This will be my year, and every year after this!
Often times I find that we make these new years resolutions and we never actually revisit them after January. I wanted to look at what I wrote down as my New Years resolution for 2018 and see if I was able to stick with some of what I wrote down. This is not only a means of holding myself accountable but also a means of encouraging myself to stick on the path that I am on and work harder at things that I wrote down. So without further ado, lets get into it!
- No more self silencing – This was something that was directed towards one person in my life who use to make me feel really bad about expressing myself. He was constantly criticizing me and making it seem as though everything that came out of my mouth was WRONG or STUPID (which was really funny because he literally was a person that had not one pot to piss in). This is what caused me to self silence as a means to not offend this person. I never had this issue with anyone else. Long story short, it was HIM not ME, and my life has been way better ever since we have broken ties. So I do not self silence and I guess I technically never really did.
- No More Comparing – Sadly, this again ties into #1. This person made me feel so crappy about myself that I was CONSTANTLY comparing myself to other women. I got rid of his negativity and began comparing myself WAY LESS.
- Self Preservation – I think that this year I have done a better job of self preservation but I definitely can do better. One great thing that happened to me in the last quarter of the year was that I began drinking way less and started being a little bit more conscience and aware of what I was putting in my body. I also tried to be aware of what I was watching and listening to, because as you may or may not know, all of that can really have an affect on your everyday life. I also began going to church on a weekly basis and utilized the word as a means of mental renewal.
- Using Social Media Less – I think that I had spurts of when I was using it less, but definitely not where I want to be. If you know anything, then you should know that social media is a tool that can really kill ones spirit.
- No complaining, Positive Outlooks Only – I have gotten way better at this! I try to be more aware of what I am saying and how I am thinking in general. This has allowed me to be less depressed and really push through the hard times.
- Be more prepared – Last year I wrote this because school was a real struggle for me and I felt as though I was lacking, but in reality I am not this ill prepared person.
- Work Harder – This is something that everyone can try to better at year over year. Work harder than your hardest! I did do that this past year, and I plan on doing it again in 2019!
I remember when I turned 25, I was so sad. I cried and cried thinking that I was getting so old, I was unmarried and I was super miserable in the relationship I was in.
Each year that passed after that, the feeling somewhat stayed the same. A feeling of “oh Gosh, I’m getting older, what do I do now”.
But as my 30th drew near, something clicked in me and the usual feeling of sadness did not come. Rather, As my birthday approached I was filled with excitement and appreciation to see this age. The last few months I have been on an appreciation kick. Appreciating every last thing I could think of from big things such as being in an MBA program, to small things like being able to move all my toes and fingers. This appreciation didn’t allow me to feel any sense of sadness or anxiety of being 30, rather I was filled with joy that God allowed me to be on this earth this long.
I must say, I love the thought of being in my 30s and leaving all the junk and baggage of my 20s behind. I am now older, calmer, smarter, stronger….better. And that my friends is something worth being happy for!
I am a helper. If you are in my life and I rock with you, I’m going to do all I can to help you. I believe helping others is especially important for those in the black community because if we don’t do it, who will?
But what happens when you continue to help someone and they continue to mess up the opportunities that you have opened for them? This is a place in which I am right now.
I struggle letting people go and just faltering, especially when I know what they can do to turn things around. But when I overextend myself only to have them mess up again it can be an extremely disappointing, frustrating, and distressing to me.
You know that old saying, “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink”,that’s the exact sentiment that I feel. For this person I have literally given a massive amount to fully transform their life and yet they still found a way to completely mess it up. What do I do now as this person opens up to me about their troubles? Let them fall extremely hard this time or do what I’ve been doing the last few years and help…AGAIN?
In a way to ensure that I don’t put myself in a bad space I have decided to try to help this person one last time and take a massively different approach. Take on a less hands on and more of a coaching approach. I am not here to physically do things for this person anymore, I am here to guide them and offer advice when they ask. I am here to give them literature and passages that will help them head in the right direction. It is now up to them to choose to stay on the path of always ruining things, or finally deciding to be responsible. I can no longer utilize my contacts and my personal resources to help. All I can do now is watch and pray for them and offer kind words to keep them encouraged. Although my first instinct was to do what I always do and overextend myself to help, this time I will just sit back and allow them to figure things out for themself. Hopefully this new strategy works.
-With Love Kim-
I just wanted to post some pictures of Chicago that I’ve taken this far. And yes all photo creds go to me lol!
This city is so beautifully constructed it’s somewhat magical!
I had to take some time to really think about what my New Years resolution would be. Initially when I decided to write this post I was rushing to write down things and I found that my resolutions were somewhat cliche and unauthentic. So it took me 15 days into January to really figure out what I wanted to work on this year and how I want to improve in life. So here it is:
- No more self silencing – A lot of times I have self silenced myself in fear of what others may think or fear of hurting another persons feelings. This has caused a lot of issues in my life because I find myself doing things that I don’t necessarily want to do. Then I beat myself up for not speaking up.
- No More Comparing – This is something that I didn’t even realize that I did until I forced myself to sit back and take time to think about my flaws. I don’t think that most women would admit it (but I’m going to be real here), but I realized that this is something that I did so much that I didn’t even realize I was doing it.
- Self Preservation– I realized that this HAD to be on my list. I need to practice self preservation of my mind, body and soul. I want to do more to preserve my physical by eating healthier, drinking more water, and working out. I also want to make sure to do things like getting facials and focusing more on my hair health. I want to go to church more to feed my mind and soul. And take the time to sit, pray, be quiet, and meditate to feed my mental!
- Using Social Media Less – This ties in to my #2. I believe that with me going on social media and clicking on others pages and thinking negative comments about others, or thinking negative comments about myself, I am in turn doing more damage to myself than I realize. By forcing myself to use social media less, stay away from certain peoples pages (lets admit, we all go on peoples pages that we don’t follow and or even like), and spending more time and energy to improving myself will allow me to really improve in 2018.
- No complaining, Positive Outlooks Only – This is the key to living a better happy life, in my opinion. It will improve my daily mood, my daily outlook, and my overall success in life.
- Be more prepared – Being that I am in school, I need to get way better at being more prepared. I need to stop waiting until the last minute to study, to do assignments.
- Work Harder – I work hard but there is always room to work harder and nap less.
I think this is literally the first time in my life I have been at PEACE. I am a person who deals with a lot of anxiety and some times I make myself cray thinking about the things that I can not change and control. This year I decided that all of that was going to stop and that I would no longer live my life as such. I started off my year being the same old me with all of my anxiety and so on but one day I got down on my knees and decided to pray. The prayer that I prayed was for God to help me with my anxiety, and allow me to be more grateful for the things that I have and STOP harboring over the things that I don’t have. I also asked God to help me be more positive in all situations and always find the good in anything that is thrown my way. I also promised to stop looking at what other people were doing in their lives and just focus on myself.
My goal in 2018 is to put 110% energy, mental and physical, into myself. Ever since I have prayed this prayer and really been trying to be more positive, my whole attitude has been totally different. I have never felt better before. I am so at peace with myself and my life than I have ever been in my life. It has only been about a week since I prayed this prayer, but when I tell you that since that week I have been thrown some curve balls (including me getting robbed in Trinidad)…I have been thrown some massive curve balls that were meant to take me down. BUT someway, somehow I haven’t felt anxiety or depression rather just Peace and Joy!!!
I say this to say, that being at Peace isn’t something that you can’t have too. You need to strive for it and really work on it. You need to identify and eliminate the things that is causing you not to have peace in your life. A habit, a person or a place that you’re in, whatever it is, nip it in the bud immediately. And last but not least, pray with an honest and open heart for peace and stillness.