The Complexity of Men

 

As I sit here just thinking out loud and thinking about a few things that I have been faced with in 2017 I wanted to come and write a post about something that I’ve been failing to understand…

Men want a successful woman, but just not one who is more successful than them. They want a woman who is independent but they want to feel needed. They want a woman who has money but just not more money than them.

As I exited my last relationship these were a few of the issues that I was faced with. Having someone tell me they felt inferior to me because of everything I was working hard to do and because I didn’t “need” them for anything was confusing and somewhat hurtful. Being that I’ve always believed that a woman could make more than a man, be independent and still value that man all the same, hearing something as such really left me perplexed.

Do I dim my light so that I can be with the man that I really want to be with? Do I pretend to “need” a man when my parents have taught me to be independent and make a way for myself?

One thing that I’ve never wanted for myself was to be with a man and if he leaves, I have not a pot to piss in. With me being in grad school and pursuing my MBA, it is a shot for me to make sure that I am financially secure for the rest of my life. Having my own is very important to me because then I know no one can take it away from me.

Prior to this experience I have tried to not judge others by their degrees, their financial situations and what their job titles were. I’ve always felt that if you have a good heart, you were hard working and treated me well, then you and I could be together. Now that I’ve gone through my experience, I’m beginning to realize why the Bible says we should be equally yolked. Moving forward I’ve realized that I have to pick men with credentials similar to mine, not because I’m being a snob or bougie but rather because most men can’t handle not being the financial “top dog”.

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I have no time for anything…

 


Being in business school full time and pursuing an MBA will make you realize how that nothing could have prepared you for the rigor of the course work and the time commitment that is associated with being in an MBA program. But, with all hurdles in life, I know that this too will one day come to an end and once I have the letters MBA next to my name I know that all of the late nights, early mornings, meetings, applications to internships, corporate events, networking happy hours, assignments, tests, study sessions, and lack of sleep….will all be worth it.

The one thing I would say that I do feel guilty about is the lack of time that I have to communicate with my old friends and family members that are not my immediate family (even my immediate family get very minimal time with me now). But other than the course rigors, late nights, and always being busy, business school is SO MUCH FUN. I mean, how can it not be???? You are introduced to a whole new set of people who, for the most part, have the same ambitions and thinking as you, who are in the same space as life as you are, and who are eager to learn and make new connections as you are. I mean honestly, we work hard and play hard within my program. But, I mean how could we not??? The amount of stress that we face each day is crazy and by the time our last class is completed on Thursday evening we are just ready to unwind with usually a little wine, good music, and each others company lol!

In all, I’ve told several people that business school is not for everyone nor is it for the faint of hearts (and please understand that not all business schools are the same so if you are attending an unranked school then you probably can’t relate). But if you want to attend just be mentally prepared for everything that comes with it. Don’t give up and just keep pushing.

MBA : One month down

 

Pursuing an MBA is one hardest things that I have done thus far in my life. It is difficult to jump back into school  The last time I was in school was in 2011, and at the end of 2016 I decided that I wanted to apply to business school.  I wanted to transition out of my previous career in advertising sales and work in an industry that would allow me to better use my skills in strategy and marketing.

Fast forward nine months after I was accepted into business school and I have just completed my first month. Things have been extremely hard but with every passing week things get easier. What do I mean? Well in my first week of school I was extremely overwhelmed with the amount of work that we were given right away. I unwisely thought of my undergraduate days when the first week of school was usually the easiest out of the year. WRONG. It was tough, and the professors made sure to dive in face first into the course work. The first week of school I began to doubt my decision of going back to school. I began to think that the coursework was too rigorous and that there was no way that I would be able to do it.  From group meetings, to workshops, to internship searches, I felt as though I had a lot on my plate.

But as the weeks have gone by things have gotten progressively easier. What happened??? My busy schedule has not changed at all, if anything, I am more busy than I was in week one. What has changed is my ability to manage my time, utilizing all the resources that my business school has to offer and my ability to push full steam ahead. The reality of it is that getting your MBA is not meant to be easy, if it was everyone would have one.

I know that the remainder of my time here will not be easy. I know that I will have to stay up many late nights, and will have to sacrifice a lot of my free time to get to my end goal. But it is comforting to know that no matter where I land after I graduate that I will be fully prepared.

 

Surviving my first week of business school

Nothing that I have done thus far could have prepared me mentally, emotionally, and physically for business school. I knew that school was going to be hard, but I could not have imagined that in the first week it would be this hard.

Usually the first week of school tends to be slow and easy but business school is quite the opposite. Rather, we were thrown right in with out a life raft. I know you are probably thinking that I am being dramatic, but I really am not. That is how I and many other students feel. Everyday in the first week I was going to sleep past 12am because I was doing homework and studying. And even though I have been putting in work, it is not nearly as much as I need to be doing.

I am realizing that business school is like a never ending race that no matter how far you think you have gotten there is way more running to do. Each time that I had completed one task there was a classmate telling me that there were ten other things left to do.

Although the first week was insanely overwhelming, it has made me realize that I need to step it up and hunker down and do whatever it takes. Luckily for me I don’t have classes Fridays and this weekend is Labor Day so I am using this time as a reset to organize all my schoolwork, reply to the thousand emails the that I have and be ready to start fresh come Tuesday.

“Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.”

– Harriet Stowe

MBA Chronicles : Scared outta my MIND

 

Have you ever been so afraid to do something major in your life that, that doubt prevents you from achieving your goals? This is something that I am being forced to overcome while pushing ahead with my MBA ambitions.

It is so crazy, because this is what I have wanted so badly for the last four years, and yet now that I am here, I am scared out of my mind. With every pre-course that I work on and with every case study that we are given to review, I feel more and more nervous that this is something that I can not do. I keep thinking, is this normal? Why am I doubting myself so badly?

I think part of the reason all of these feelings have been rushing in is partly because I was not mentally prepared for how much work I was going to have to do prior to school starting. I believed that I could have one summer of just chilling with no job, waking up when ever I wanted, until school started….WRONG.

This MBA program hasn’t even officially started and I have already turned in several assignments, taken several tests, and done so much research and preparation for my career aspirations.

Daily it is one thing after another ,and to be quite frank it is a bit overwhelming. BUT, although I am overwhelmed it is showing me that there are a lot of things that I need to improve on once I enter school.

The first thing being NOT PROCRASTINATING. Part of the reason I am in this extremely stressed space that I am in is because I went to Trinidad for two weeks and instead of doing work, I sat around all day and limed (Trini term for hanging out) with my family. Once school starts I obviously will have to step my game up and sacrifice sleep, and down time to do school work.

The second thing is my TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS. I need to do a better job managing the time that I carve out dedicated to school work. There have been several days when I say I am going to wake up by a certain time to get work done and then I don’t start it until late.

The third thing is IMPROVE NOTE TAKING. I am the type of person who likes to take down super detailed notes. This has proved to be ineffective for me as I spend hours and hours just writing stuff down and not getting through the content quick enough. This ties back to TIME MANAGEMENT because I literally waste precious time writing things that may not necessarily need to be written down.

The fourth thing is STAYING POSITIVE. I don’t know why I am so hard on myself. I don’t know why I have a hard time looking for the good in stressful situations and striving past complaining. I think that with me being in an MBA program I don’t have time to be negative and to beat myself up. I need to ALWAYS stay positive, find a solution and work towards it.

As I work towards a better future for myself I have to remember this one thing, I CAN DO THIS, and I WILL DO THIS. 

MBA Chronicles: Power of THE PUSH

 

I am two weeks away from business school orientation and I feel like I have a million and one things to get done. My to do list comprises of finishing up pre-course work, back to school shopping, getting my immunization records to the school, deferring my loans, buying stuff for my new apartment, registering for “Math Camp”, doing work for the career services team, and so much more.

The pre-course workload is way heavier than I thought it would be and I’m starting to regret going on vacation and doing nothing for two weeks. Usually in situations like these I would get 1) super flustered  2) just quit and say I’m not doing it and just take the 0% grade. But it’s crazy when you want something bad enough you will somehow find your inner grit, and get sh*t done. Yesterday I had a very late start to my day (my sleep pattern is way off ever since returning from vacation). I went to the library around 5pm and started doing work. I went home right before the library closed at 9pm, and kept doing work. Before I knew it, it was 2:30am! Between the hours of 5pm-2:30am I dedicated my time to my school work. Was I tired? Hell yes, but what kept me motivated was my end goal of making six figures after I graduate, and how badly I want to reach that goal.

In undergrad I wasn’t the best student, but I wasn’t the worst. When I applied myself I made Deans List 4 out of the 8 semesters I was there. I slept a lot in undergrad and hardly ever stayed up past 12am studying. If something was hard I’d bullsh*t my way through it to get a decent enough grade. Back then I was too lazy to see the importance of hard work. Fast forward to today, Ive had a 9-5 job in corporate America that I hated. I have been underpaid for most of my career and the work that I was doing was not interesting to me at all. Going through that experience really has given me the ” The Power of the Push”. 

I’m not sure where I got this term from, maybe I made it up…but this is a term that has been repeating in my head over and over again since I’ve been in this season. “The Power of the Push” is what separates great from mediocre, the strong from the weak, and those who want it to those who don’t.

For most of my life I have always felt as though there are just some people who just succeed because they are simply smarter. As I navigated through corporate America, I realized that its not about smarts all the time. Its about who works harder, who wants it more, who pushes harder to get what they want. I mean a great example of this is Donald Trump. His vocabulary is limited, he isn’t well read, and he isn’t the smartest cookie in the batch but some how he has been able to elevate himself to the highest office in the United States (granted him being a white man has probably helped a lot too, lol).

My will to succeed is so strong that I can not see anything except GREAT things ahead of me. I am willing to put my blood, sweat, and tears into this. Something that I can’t say Ive been willing to do for anything in my life thus far. So as I begin my business school career I am going to promise myself to keep pushing, to not allow outside factors disrupt my grind, and to always remember the POWER of the PUSH!!!

Oversharing

 

I recently had an epiphany. In a world of sharing, perhaps there are some things that are better left unshared.

Of course with each one of my milestones and accomplishments I want to let the world know about what I’ve done, but it occurred to me that perhaps I was doing all of these things to gain some type of validation from the outside world.

I mean, is it not enough to tell my close family and friends about my accomplishments, receive a congrats text, and just be happy with that? Must I update my FB status telling all my FB friends (most of whom are people from high school that I don’t even talk to anymore) that I have done something awesome in my life? Must I put everything that I have done in my instagram bio? Must I post every picture that me and the guy that Im dating at that time online so that the world knows who I am seeing? Must I post things riddled with hashtags so people can see who I am??? (#blackgirlMagic, #RoadToMBA, #blacknomad).

These are just some of the questions that I began asking myself and I realized that moving forward I want to dial back what I show to the world and the manner in which I discuss my accomplishments.

Am I proud of myself? Yes. Do I want people to be just as excited and happy as I am about me moving forward in my life? Yes. But there is a fine line between sharing and bragging and I don’t want to cross that line.

So with that being said I went on my instagram and cleared out my bio. I deleted any pictures of me and any significant other and I decided to just keep the photos that I felt relayed a message of happiness, joy, and fun.

Every living moment of my life doesn’t have to be put on display and some precious moments are better left to those that are close to me.

 

 

Finding Peace and Balance Everyday