I haven’t always been the most spiritual person. I grew up in a religious family but I always found church boring and unnecessary. It seemed like such a major task. One that I was not willing to take part in, so around the age of 14, I stopped going to church and stopped praying. I wouldn’t say that I stopped believing but my faith was not where it needed to be.
All throughout high school and college I walked a faithless walk. I did what I wanted to do and really didn’t care much about building a real relationship with God. It wasn’t until I was 24 years old and I went through my first real heartbreak that I realized I needed to do something else to heal the pain I was in. At this time I moved to Dallas in an attempt to make myself feel better. When that didn’t work I decided to turn to God. During that time period, I was in a lot of pain but I found comfort in God. It was an amazing feeling and I had never felt more peace than when I was in his presence. I would pray a lot and seek God in the times of turmoil. But unfortunately as I built up this relationship with God, I began to backslide as soon as I moved back on the east coast. There were a number of reasons for this, but mostly because I was surrounded by none believers who did nothing to help my spirit.
Since then it has been a constant up and down of me always promising to get back in the church and to read my Bible and not actually doing it. Being in an MBA program is so hard that after your week is completed you sometimes want to use the whole weekend to decompress, but I’ve been feeling like there is something missing from my life. I’ve tried to fill the void with a number of things. I would even say that coming back to school was an attempt to do as such but the emptiness still persisted. I finally realized that what I was missing was a relationship with Christ.
It is not easy to just pick back up where you left off and some times it can seem scary trying to take the steps needed to find Jesus but I built a plan for myself to take baby steps to where I need to be. I have tried to come back hundreds of times but this time I am determined to will myself back into His presence. I have decided to start with prayer and daily reading of His word. I have set up a series of reminders to do so, as well as, have told close friends about my journey so they can hold me accountable. I have begun bringing my Bible places with me to ensure I read a little each day. I signed up for daily devotional emails and have made an effort to talk about Christ to my Christian friends. My goal is to sharpen my faith muscles by surrounding myself by His word. I want to rebuild my foundation so that the pains of this world can stop having such an affect on me.
I am curious to see my transformation as I continue to study the word and delve deeper into my relationship with Christ. I am excited to see the person I am with broken chains and deliverance. I know this won’t be easy but I am ready and willing to put in the work to ensure that my spirit is right moving forward.