Tag Archives: finances

The Complexity of Men

 

As I sit here just thinking out loud and thinking about a few things that I have been faced with in 2017 I wanted to come and write a post about something that I’ve been failing to understand…

Men want a successful woman, but just not one who is more successful than them. They want a woman who is independent but they want to feel needed. They want a woman who has money but just not more money than them.

As I exited my last relationship these were a few of the issues that I was faced with. Having someone tell me they felt inferior to me because of everything I was working hard to do and because I didn’t “need” them for anything was confusing and somewhat hurtful. Being that I’ve always believed that a woman could make more than a man, be independent and still value that man all the same, hearing something as such really left me perplexed.

Do I dim my light so that I can be with the man that I really want to be with? Do I pretend to “need” a man when my parents have taught me to be independent and make a way for myself?

One thing that I’ve never wanted for myself was to be with a man and if he leaves, I have not a pot to piss in. With me being in grad school and pursuing my MBA, it is a shot for me to make sure that I am financially secure for the rest of my life. Having my own is very important to me because then I know no one can take it away from me.

Prior to this experience I have tried to not judge others by their degrees, their financial situations and what their job titles were. I’ve always felt that if you have a good heart, you were hard working and treated me well, then you and I could be together. Now that I’ve gone through my experience, I’m beginning to realize why the Bible says we should be equally yolked. Moving forward I’ve realized that I have to pick men with credentials similar to mine, not because I’m being a snob or bougie but rather because most men can’t handle not being the financial “top dog”.

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Aiming for a life of Minimalism

At the end of 2015, I moved back  home to the Washington DC from Portsmouth, Virginia. While I was packing I realized that I had TOO many things. Too many unworn items of makeup, shoes, and mostly…too many pieces of clothing. As I packed up all my things I was extremely overwhelmed by the amount of clothes and shoes that I had. Clothes in the closet, the drawer, under my bed, in my car trunk, and in my storage unit. Some of the items were things I wore once, things that I bought just because, and things that  I was just too lazy to send back. I realized then that I wanted to strive for a life of minimalism. I just had way too many things and I wanted to try to eliminate as much junk inside of my home as I was trying to eliminate within myself.

I could have just given a mass amount of my clothes away to the Good Will or Salvation Army, but I didnt want my clothes being added to a mound of clothes that is sent overseas to pile up on the side of the road somewhere (this is actually toxic to locals). So I decided that I was going to sell as many items as I could on Poshmark. Poshmark is an app that allows you to take pictures of your clothes, write a description about it, set the price that you want for the item, and sell it.

My Poshmark site

I also decide to stop buying so many clothes. We all have our vices. We all have the things that make us feel better, mine has always been buying things. Having a new outfit that someone could compliment me on was one of the things that made me feel better when I was down. Obviously this is not the best tactic in searching for peace and comfort so I decided to enforce a spending freeze on myself unless I absolutely needed it.This has been the hardest thing, but this past year I have been doing really well sticking to this plan!

The last thing that I decided to do was start wearing my old clothes again. You know how it is, we wear something for a season, discard it and never pick it back up again. Well this is something that I decided to stop doing. I have decided to start wearing my clothes until they run down and must be thrown away rather than just replacing it with a newer version just because.  I cant tell you how satisfying it was for me to start back wearing an old shirt that I had purchased in 2011, and wearing it until the sleeve tore. I know this sounds super janky BUT if all of us began buying clothes only when we really needed them just think of how much money we would save a year.

Now that 2017 is approaching I am hoping that I can continue my journey to minimalism and eliminating the unnecessary out of my life. I am hoping that all of this will assist me in decreasing my materialistic ways and continue down the path of financial freedom, gratitude, and appreciation.