I haven’t always been the most spiritual person. I grew up in a religious family but I always found church boring and unnecessary. It seemed like such a major task. One that I was not willing to take part in, so around the age of 14, I stopped going to church and stopped praying. I wouldn’t say that I stopped believing but my faith was not where it needed to be.
All throughout high school and college I walked a faithless walk. I did what I wanted to do and really didn’t care much about building a real relationship with God. It wasn’t until I was 24 years old and I went through my first real heartbreak that I realized I needed to do something else to heal the pain I was in. At this time I moved to Dallas in an attempt to make myself feel better. When that didn’t work I decided to turn to God. During that time period, I was in a lot of pain but I found comfort in God. It was an amazing feeling and I had never felt more peace than when I was in his presence. I would pray a lot and seek God in the times of turmoil. But unfortunately as I built up this relationship with God, I began to backslide as soon as I moved back on the east coast. There were a number of reasons for this, but mostly because I was surrounded by none believers who did nothing to help my spirit.
Since then it has been a constant up and down of me always promising to get back in the church and to read my Bible and not actually doing it. Being in an MBA program is so hard that after your week is completed you sometimes want to use the whole weekend to decompress, but I’ve been feeling like there is something missing from my life. I’ve tried to fill the void with a number of things. I would even say that coming back to school was an attempt to do as such but the emptiness still persisted. I finally realized that what I was missing was a relationship with Christ.
It is not easy to just pick back up where you left off and some times it can seem scary trying to take the steps needed to find Jesus but I built a plan for myself to take baby steps to where I need to be. I have tried to come back hundreds of times but this time I am determined to will myself back into His presence. I have decided to start with prayer and daily reading of His word. I have set up a series of reminders to do so, as well as, have told close friends about my journey so they can hold me accountable. I have begun bringing my Bible places with me to ensure I read a little each day. I signed up for daily devotional emails and have made an effort to talk about Christ to my Christian friends. My goal is to sharpen my faith muscles by surrounding myself by His word. I want to rebuild my foundation so that the pains of this world can stop having such an affect on me.
I am curious to see my transformation as I continue to study the word and delve deeper into my relationship with Christ. I am excited to see the person I am with broken chains and deliverance. I know this won’t be easy but I am ready and willing to put in the work to ensure that my spirit is right moving forward.
Being in business school full time and pursuing an MBA will make you realize how that nothing could have prepared you for the rigor of the course work and the time commitment that is associated with being in an MBA program. But, with all hurdles in life, I know that this too will one day come to an end and once I have the letters MBA next to my name I know that all of the late nights, early mornings, meetings, applications to internships, corporate events, networking happy hours, assignments, tests, study sessions, and lack of sleep….will all be worth it.
The one thing I would say that I do feel guilty about is the lack of time that I have to communicate with my old friends and family members that are not my immediate family (even my immediate family get very minimal time with me now). But other than the course rigors, late nights, and always being busy, business school is SO MUCH FUN. I mean, how can it not be???? You are introduced to a whole new set of people who, for the most part, have the same ambitions and thinking as you, who are in the same space as life as you are, and who are eager to learn and make new connections as you are. I mean honestly, we work hard and play hard within my program. But, I mean how could we not??? The amount of stress that we face each day is crazy and by the time our last class is completed on Thursday evening we are just ready to unwind with usually a little wine, good music, and each others company lol!
In all, I’ve told several people that business school is not for everyone nor is it for the faint of hearts (and please understand that not all business schools are the same so if you are attending an unranked school then you probably can’t relate). But if you want to attend just be mentally prepared for everything that comes with it. Don’t give up and just keep pushing.
I recently had an epiphany. In a world of sharing, perhaps there are some things that are better left unshared.
Of course with each one of my milestones and accomplishments I want to let the world know about what I’ve done, but it occurred to me that perhaps I was doing all of these things to gain some type of validation from the outside world.
I mean, is it not enough to tell my close family and friends about my accomplishments, receive a congrats text, and just be happy with that? Must I update my FB status telling all my FB friends (most of whom are people from high school that I don’t even talk to anymore) that I have done something awesome in my life? Must I put everything that I have done in my instagram bio? Must I post every picture that me and the guy that Im dating at that time online so that the world knows who I am seeing? Must I post things riddled with hashtags so people can see who I am??? (#blackgirlMagic, #RoadToMBA, #blacknomad).
These are just some of the questions that I began asking myself and I realized that moving forward I want to dial back what I show to the world and the manner in which I discuss my accomplishments.
Am I proud of myself? Yes. Do I want people to be just as excited and happy as I am about me moving forward in my life? Yes. But there is a fine line between sharing and bragging and I don’t want to cross that line.
So with that being said I went on my instagram and cleared out my bio. I deleted any pictures of me and any significant other and I decided to just keep the photos that I felt relayed a message of happiness, joy, and fun.
Every living moment of my life doesn’t have to be put on display and some precious moments are better left to those that are close to me.
It has been a while since I have posted on here and the reason being I just got super busy with life. It takes a lot of effort to keep up with a blog.
With school quickly approaching I’ve been using my free time to complete all the pre-course work and assignments they have us doing all summer. I also quit my job to ensure that I have the time to complete all the work that needs to be completed before school starts as well as I wanted some rest/down time before the chaos of school really begins.
I decided that I wanted to take a trip to decompress and relax after I became unemployed. I had been going through stresses in regards to my personal life, job life, and school life and felt as though a trip to get re-centered, recharged, and refocused would be the best thing. I decided to go and visit my family in Trinidad to do so.
My life as it is now is all about school and focusing on getting everything I need to get together by the time school starts. I am not going to lie, it has been a little overwhelming already and I feel extremely nervous to go back to school (I mean I have been out of school for 6 years), but every time I begin to feel this way I somehow push through and do what I have to do.
I will be posting a more thorough update on what has been going on in my life as well as pictures from my trip to Trinidad and my trip to Costa Rica that I never posted!
But in the mean time! Stay Blessed Friends!